Double the Traitors
by Damnthenamedoesntfit
Summary: Konoha didn't have one Uchiha nuke-nin. They had two. Twins.
1. Chapter 1

When the Uchiha massacre occurred, two Uchihas fled Konoha because of their crime. Originally, there was going to be three, but the third one died, and his body was never found. These two would always be known as one of Konoha's most hated traitors. They would always be known as the ones who killed the Uchiha Police Force. The majority of Konoha would never know how close they were to being invaded from the inside. They would never know how much these two sacrificed for their beloved village, and for their precious brother.

Because Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Tatsumaki were heroes in the shadows.

* * *

It all started on June 9th, when Uchiha Mikoto gave birth to her first child. There was lots of screaming, crying and threats of castration for a cringing Fugaku, but they endured. Mikoto gave out a loud scream, and Uchiha Itachi was born. Heaving and whimpering in relief, it came as a shock when another contraction began. There was panic, and Mikoto's hand lashed out and held onto her husband's forearm while the nurses scurried about. Uchiha Tatsumaki was a pleasant surprise, and she joined her brother in a red haired woman's arms. Both were unusually quiet.

"My children, I want to see my children." Mikoto wheezed, rather exhausted after giving birth to twins. Fugaku cradled his forearm, which had broken under his wife's iron grip. Her reached out with his other hand to touch his children, but the red haired woman slapped his hand away.

"Oi! No touching the kids! The mummy gets to do that first!"

Fugaku scowled at Kushina, who literally bounced over to her best friend and showed her the babies. Mikoto sniffed as a single tear dripped down her cheek as she cradled her children in each arm.

"They're perfect. We already picked out Itachi for my son, but my daughter was unexpected. What should we name her?" She asked. Minato, who had passed out in the hallway after the first set of blood curdling screams erupted, joined them in the hospital room. He was still rather pale, and his hands were shaky. He gave them a wobbly smile.

"How about Shiroko for the girl?" He suggested.

" _No_ , absolutely not. Does my daughter _look_ white to you?" Fugaku deadpanned.

"How about Naruto?" He tried again.

"That it what _you_ are naming _your_ child. I'm not naming her after a fish cake."

"How about-"

"Tatsumaki." Both males swivelled around to look at Kushina. She was cuddling with said baby, onyx eyes staring into a deep amethyst. "Her chakra is like the wind." She nuzzled the curious baby.

"Tornado…I like it."Mikoto said, rocking baby Itachi to sleep.

And so, two new Uchihas joined the clan.

* * *

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

The Uchiha clan was in disarray. People were scrambling about, tearing the place down looking, searching. Fugaku grabbed Minato's flak jacket and shook him wildly, his head whipping back and forth so hard that he was surprised that the blonde didn't get whiplash. He didn't particularly care right now. He wanted to kill him at the moment.

"If Mikoto finds out she'll kill me!"

Minato whimpered. "And if _Kushina_ finds out she'll kill _me_!"

Both men shuddered at their in-coming doom. Both women were out in the village having a girl's day out, leaving the two men behind at the Uchiha compound. If word got out…they didn't want to know.

"Keep an eye on the children, that's all you had to do! You're the god father, DO SOMETHING!" Fugaku roared in panic.

"You're the father! Don't you have an inner sonar for your children?!" Minato wailed.

"I would have installed one if I could! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" He swept his hand out in a wide arc, gesturing to the clan wide panic. Every officer in the Police Force was searching for the clan head's missing children.

"I looked away for one second! They're faster than Obito!" Minato cried. There was a loud 'OI!' in the background from a goggle wearing Uchiha, but the panicking clan drowned him out.

"What if they were kidnapped by Kumo?! Iwa?! What if they are being sold as slaves?! What if they are in the _Red Light District_?!" With each passing suggestion, both men sunk lower, and lower until they went splat on the floor. The rest of the clan looked rather unimpressed at the shivering messes of the two men.

"…this is all your fault."

"Hn…"

* * *

Fugaku decided to recall any available Police officers and ordered them to look for the children discretely (as in not tell Mikoto or Kushina or every-one will be _deaddeaddead_ ). As they dispersed, the two men travelled to the Hokage tower, hoping that the Sandaime would be willing enough to spare a squad or two of ANBU for the search. As they stepped into the Hokage's office, they ducked into a 90 degree bow.

"Hokage-sama! I request two of your ANBU squads for an urgent matter!" Both men pleaded. The Hokage puffed out a ring of smoke from his pipe.

"Request denied."

"WHAT?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US IF KUSHINA AND MIKOTO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?!"

"And what mid-life crisis has urged you to seek my help?" The Sandaime asked amused.

"We kinda…um…"

"…lost the kids…"

"Oh… you mean _them_?" The Hokage pointed up.

And there they were, the two brats that they were searching for, toddling around on the _ceiling_. Fugaku and Minato's jaws dropped.

"How did they get up _there_?! The Uchiha compound is halfway across the village, and you're telling me that they made it to your _office_? And on the _ceiling_ no less. They're _three_ for Kami's sake!"

The God of Shinobi shrugged.

"Did you want to know how I felt? I'm sitting in my office, filling out my paperwork, then I hear a child's laughter and look up. Imagine my surprise when the Uchiha clan head's twins are playing hopscotch on my ceiling. _Someone_ needs to clean off the foot prints."

"And you just _let_ them?! No notifying the Police Force, not even _getting_ them off the _ceiling._ Who taught them that anyway?!"

The Hokage just smirked. "Where would the fun be in that? Not even _I_ know who taught them."

"…Hokage-sama…you're cruel."

"Hn…"


	2. Chapter 2

"GET BACK HERE!"

Two small blurs of black raced past various people, expertly weaving through the crowd wandering the streets. Another two larger blurs followed closely behind them.

"You gave them candy?!" Fugaku yelled accusingly at his companion.

"Err… technically Obito did." Minato sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. The Uchiha clan head growled, shoving the blonde in the shoulder to show his displeasure.

"Remind me to smack him a new one when we get back. If they can escape from _you_ – the _Yellow Flash_ – in five seconds, what makes you think giving them candy will solve any problem?" The pair turned sharply into another street as the giggling twins took a short cut through a small opening in the fence.

"Damn. They've gotten faster. It's like someone taught them how to use chakra to speed up. No wonder they were able to get away with putting laxatives in the Police Station coffee pot," Fugaku mutters under his breath. Minato thought that it would be a good time as any to finally confess something he should have told his best friend the day before. The Namikaze coughed into his hand.

"…I may have taught them how to make exploding tags."

Fugaku almost tripped on air. He turned to Minato, his face frozen in horror. The dark haired man spluttered, "You did WHAT?"

"Hey! Their puppy-eye no jutsu could take down armies," Minato said defensively.

Fugaku sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in aspiration. "What in the heavens possessed you to teach four year olds how to make exploding tags? _Do you know what Kushina and Mikoto would do to us?_ _ **Did you forget what happened last time?**_ "

Minato winced, both at the memory of their demonic wives and at the explosion donating on the roof of the Hokage tower. The merry laughter of the sugar hyped twins did not help their situation. The Shodaime's head on the Hokage Mountain looked a little sooty.

"At the rate they're going, we're going to need another half of Konoha," Fugaku muttered.

"Well, we could toss them at our enemies and wait in a bunker," Minato suggested, his mind going through scenarios where the Uchiha twins wreaked havoc in the foreign villages. He shivered, imagining the destruction of the continent at the hands of the four year old twins.

"As useful as that sounds, and as dearly as I would like to try that out, Kushina and Mikoto would rip us to pieces when they find out about we turned them into walking time bombs." Fugaku replied.

On cue, another explosion sparked to life. It was the biggest explosion yet, covering the other two heads on the mountain with ash. The mushroom cloud was impressive, he had to admit, and it certainly got the attention of the villagers.

And Kushina…

And Mikoto…

Two large shadows covered the stunned men.

"Dear, do you happen to know how the children got their hands on exploding tags?" A sickeningly sweet voice said behind the two men.

"I would like to know too – dattebane," said another. Both men had gone pale, slowly turning around to face the wrath of the women.

There was nothing more terrifying than a woman, whose husband gave something particularly dangerous to her kids. Kushina cracked her knuckles while Mikoto pulled out _The Spoon_.

"It was him! It's all his fault!" Fugaku shoved a finger at the blonde next to him.

"Feed me to the wolves why don't you," Minato said in betrayal.

Kushina shushed them, a terrifying glint in her eyes. "Excuses are for Iwa-nin. Stop being a sissy and take your punishment like the _big, strong_ men you are."

 _Big_ and _Strong_ were said in sarcasm. While both Fugaku and Minato were feared high ranking shinobi to several different villages, Kushina and Mikoto were forces to be reckoned with. Both shinobi would rather face down a thousand Iwa-nin than get caught in the fury of their wives.

"We're dead," Fugaku whimpered. As one, both shinobi spun on their heels and ran for it, their wives following closely behind, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Suddenly, Fugaku struck his leg out and tripped Minato over. The blonde man yelped as he face planted.

"You traitor!" Minato shouted as Kushina descended onto him like the she-demon she was.

"Every man for himself!" Fugaku yelled back over his shoulder, sprinting as fast as he could as Mikoto gained on him.

"I will remember this! And I'll have my revenge!"

The Uchiha clan head wasn't able to shout back a witty retort when an explosion donated below him. It threw him off his feet and into a wall of the Uchiha compound. Childish giggles were heard, and two small pairs of feet appeared in his blurry vision. Struggling to sit up from his slumped position on the floor, he weakly beckoned his children over.

"Itachi, Tatsumaki. Can you tell your mother that I'm not here?" He said in a strained voice.

Itachi narrowed his eyes, his twin doing the same. "Are you going to give us candy?"

"Yes, yes I'll give you candy," he said desperately. He felt his beloved wife's chakra come closer, and Fugaku dived behind a bush. It was unbecoming of a clan head to hide in in the shrubs to get away from his wife, but screw his pride. Mikoto wore the pants in the relationship, and he'd rather live to see another day.

"Tatsumaki-chan, Itachi-kun, do you know where your father is?"

Fugaku's heart skipped several beats when he heard her voice.

"Daddy told us to tell you that he definitely wasn't hiding here," Tatsumaki chirped. Fugaku stopped breathing as his daughter tattled on him.

"Thank you sweetie. Why don't you and Itachi go and play at the park? I have to have a… _chat_ with your father."

"Okay~," The twins sung in unison. He could hear their feet pad away.

"Darling, I don't particularly like playing Hide and Seek. Why don't you come out?"

Fugaku trembled as he was dragged out from his hiding spot and into their own house. He cowered as she pulled out _The Spoon_ of his nightmares.

"Now that we're in a more private area, just stay still so I don't make too much of a mess when I'm through with you. Blood is quite hard to get out of the carpet."

Minato and Fugaku found that the Uchiha twins + sugar + exploding tags = Kushina and Mikoto + rusty spoon = Dead Minato and Fugaku.

* * *

Fugaku idly scratched his bandaged cheek and narrowed his eyes on the evidence. As the Chief of the Uchiha Police force, he had to sort through several cases of crime, but this case took the cake. His eyes widened in realisation, and everything clicked into place. _That particular person_ was always on the scene of the crime, and he always had that stupidly smug face whenever he passed by. The fact that he always tried to avoid him within the timeframe of the crime and the fact that he was laughing his ass off for no particular reason the other day should have clued him in.

He found the culprit.

Fugaku stood from his desk and slammed his hands down on the oak table. "That _little shit_!"

He stormed passed several wary Police officers and tracked down the one responsible for his late working hours. His feet took him to Team Seven's training ground. Minato looked up from sparring his silver haired student.

"Woah, Fugaku. Who pissed in your tea this morning? You look mad," The Namikaze commented with a straight face. The Uchiha ignored him, exhaling through his nostrils. He stomped up to his goggle wearing nephew and fisted his hand in the front of his shirt.

"It was _you_!" He snarled. "You were the one that taught them the tree walking exercise! And told them to put laxatives in my coffee! And taught them how to use chakra to make them faster! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GRIEF YOU PUT ME THROUGH?!"

Obito was shaken wildly by the head of his clan. His sensei came to the rescue and pulled a struggling Fugaku away from strangling him.

"Let me go! He deserves to be beaten by Mikoto with _The Spoon_!"

Seeing as his Uncle Fugaku wasn't going to stop hunting him, he decided to divert the blame. If he was going down, the other guilty party was going down with him. It was Minato-sensei's fault that he didn't intervene in time.

"Minato-sensei was the one who urinated in your personal teapot this morning," He cheerfully smirked.

Both men froze, and the temperature dropped.

"No wonder my tea tasted funny," Fugaku growled. Minato legged it out of there as soon as Fugaku's hands twitched for his neck.

"I've had my revenge! Now we're even you _friend-tripping_ ass!"

Obito had a shit eating grin on his face as he watched his sensei and Uncle go at it in the training grounds. Bakashi was watching the usually stoic Uchiha clan head fly tackle in his sensei with interest, and Rin stood there horrified as the two men rolled across the grass, poking eyes and pulling hair. The twins had made a significant dent in his candy stash when he bribed them, but seeing the end result was _so_ worth it.

* * *

 **The next few chapters might be a bit more serious because of Obito's death and the Kyuubi attack and what not.**

 **So how was it? Tell me what you think in a review.**


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